Oddity [Scribblings from the Mitchy Side]

Those that know and love me (or at least tolerate me :)) will tell you I'm a pretty tactile sort of person, I love me some hugs and snugs. So random contact doesn't freak me out, quite the opposite in fact. However there's a woman at work who has habit of getting my attention by putting her hand on my shoulder. Now this in and of itself is fine - she sits behind me, she knows I won't hear her unless I have some clue she's talking to me, so it's actually thoughtful of her to get my attention first. (Aside - my life would be considerably easier if more people made sure I was actually listening/capable of hearing them before talking to me but that's a rant for another day).

So I have no problem with method of initiating conversation. But she leaves her hand on my shoulder while she talks to me and for some reason, it's really freaking me out. I start to squirm and I want to knock her hand away and yell "Get off!!" I'm talking bugs-under-the-skin, want-to-run-screaming levels of twitchiness. WTF?? This is so not like me, I am seriously perplexed. I like the woman, she's one of the most inoffensive people in the office, so it's not that. *boggles* Obviously something is triggering the fight or flight response but I'm damned if I know what.

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I'm very definitely not tactile except with close trampledamages, so I get freaked when anyone touches me anyway, but having someone keeping their hand on you while they are talking is the worst! I can't abide continual contact, I just want to wrench my arm away. I think you're right - it is the fight or flight response and it's because she's effectively holding you in place.

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Now I want to make you an icon with the heffalump shying away from a hand. I have no idea how.

Or DO NOT PET THE TRAMPLEDAMAGE maybe?

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I agree w/ Trampledamage - something in your brain is saying "This woman is stopping me from going anywhere."

As the Donald would say: Icky.

It made me uncomfortable just reading your post, lol.

The next time you see her and need to speak with her - why not have a little social experiment of your own and return the favour? >:3

Your post reminded me of two things simultaneously. One was a marching band teacher I had in high school, who would not only leave his hand on your shoulder when he talked to you. He would massage your shoulder.

The other is a kid at a school who was lying on a bench with his eyes closed. When a staff member tried to wake him with a very soft touch on the arm, the kid totally freaked out. Turns out, he had been sexually abused.

Someone told me the other day that putting your hand on the desk in front of the student holds their attention every bit as well as actually touching their shoulder.

Stand up. It's impossible for her to keep that pose if you stand up for a moment. You can either say you are just going for a coffee and does she want one or just stand up and stretch or stand up and lean across your desk to pick up an item further away (keep a pencil pot out of arm's length for this purpose).

By doing this repeatedly you will eventually train her brain into the routine. She touches you on the shoulder to get your attention, then her hand comes off your shoulder because you stand/because that's what happens.

This seems like an excellent scheme. At some point she has learned (wrongly) that you can trap people into having to listen to you (she may not be thinking of it that way if she is a fairly nice person but that's the effect) if you actually grab them (most people are too polite to say so)

This sounds like a really good idea. Thank you! I shall give it a try and report back! :)

Scribblings from the Mitchy Side

Oddity

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January